But last year, some of you rioted. Stop that right now. If you participate, you don’t get it. SXSW isn’t just another party. It’s about music: real, non-cover-band, music.

With even more people expected this year, help spread the word through your actions. Peace.

And on that note, if you move here here are some free tips from the unofficial welcoming committee, me:

1. Pace yourselves. If you want Austin to remain the city you love, slow down. Don’t stop thinking and creating, though, keep that going. Just stop the frenetic pursuit of coolness; only then will you be cool.

2. Learn to like Longhorn sports. I know, it’s not cool in hipster circles to care about sports. But in Austin, even our most intelligent, for the most part, are not afraid to admit we love our Horns. At least try it.

3. Dogs are not accessories. Thankfully, the chihauhua-in-purse trend seems to have died down.

4. Protest. You can’t be fully initiated as an Austinite until you’ve marched down Congress Avenue in protest of, or in support of something. Pick your cause, and show up. Above all, march peacefully.

5. Don’t try to find weird. Go to the park, to the shows, to the festivals. Even to H.E.B. Weirdness will find you.

6. Above all, be peaceful, unless you’re at a Longhorn game, then get very rowdy.

Willie Nelson united the hippies and the rednecks in the 70s, creating this hybrid we call an Austinite. Please respect the vibe, as most of you do. We want you here, so help a city out by being careful stewards of our way of life.

Cow Parade is the largest and most recognized public art event in the world. The herd gathered inside Palmer Auditorium Wednesday, July 27th, for public view. Later, they were released to graze various spots in the city for the weekend.

This local favorite has the Capitol painted on her snout, but check out the ears. Little tiny bats.

There are bats in her ears!

For details on where the cows are, visit Cow Parade Austin.

Does this dillo have leprosy?

Around these parts, we’ve bonded with armadillos since Jerry Jeff Walker penned the London Homesick Blues. But did you know that all humans share something with these armored creatures? It’s true, we are the only two species known to get leprosy.

Now in Texas, we think only about 4% to 10% of armadillos have leprosy. But in Louisiana, up to 53% may have it.

People who have gotten leprosy from armadillos probably did so because they ate undercooked armadillo meat. Given that dillos are too  sacred to eat in Texas, we suspect those folks are from Louisiana.

The moral of the story is to treat dillos with respect. Don’t touch them, and definitely don’t eat them. If one shows signs of infection, avoid contact. How do you tell an armadillo is infected with leprosy? I have no idea — they already have a face only a mother could love. Best bet, just leave them alone. 

We welcome you, we really do. Your energy, your creativity and  your openmindedness can feed our vibe.

But the riotous events of SXSW 2011 worry me. I have no proof that those who tore down fences at Auditorium Shores and fought at music venues were out-of-towners, but I can’t imagine that natives or long-time transplants could have disrespected the Austin vibe that hideously.

I provide the following gentle guidance to help get us back on track.

1. Pace yourselves. If you want Austin to remain the city that made you move here, slow down. Don’t stop your thinking, keep that going. Austin was built on education, government, high tech and creativity, so we need your brains to keep us in all those top five lists we make.

2. Learn to like Longhorn sports. I know, it’s not cool in hipster circles to care about sports. In Austin, even our most intelligent people, for the most part, are not afraid to admit we love our Horns. At least try it.

3. Dogs are not accessories. Thankfully, the chihauhua-in-purse trend seems to have died down.

4. Protest. You can’t be fully initiated as an Austinite until you’ve marched down Congress Avenue in protest of, or in support of something. Pick your cause, and show up.

5. Don’t try to find weird. Just calm down, go to the park, to the shows, to the festivals. Weirdness will find you.

6. Above all, be peaceful, unless you’re at a Longhorn game, then get very rowdy.

Willie Nelson united the hippies and the rednecks in the 70s, creating this hybrid we call an Austinite. Please respect the vibe, as most of you do. We want you here, so help a city out by being careful stewards of our way of life.

UT students asked Madam Agusta Hipple for help. She put a curse on the Aggies and told the students to burn red candles. Austinites burned candles all over town throughout Thanksgiving week. All the stores ran out of red candles.

Longhorn fans put hex on Aggies

The ‘Horns went to Collage Station and won 23-0.

The hex tradition went away in the late 60s, but in 1986, the Texas Exes brought it back. On November 22, 2010, we held the 25th annual Hex Rally on the Main Mall at the University.

Red candles were provided.

VY Steakhouse at 3rd and San Jacinto

The food is great, and although pricey, there are a few menu items for folks who don’t want to spend a fortune. The staff was friendly and smart and saw to it that we had a great evening.

Here’s where it got a little off — bathroom attendants. Austin doesn’t do bathroom attendants. The other thing — bad jazz background music. We’re talking Kenny G. and Spyro Gyra bad. Again, this is Austin. Even our airport plays great music.

Vince’s partners in this deal are the Mattress Mack people from his hometown, Houston. And nice people, too. They just need to spend more time absorbing our culture, and they will be just fine. I look forward to my next visit, and as always, I love Vince Young pretty much unconditionally.

Jamal Charles dances for LHB members

Nope, it’s not the standing ovations in Memorial Stadium AND on the road. Free entry to every game? Those things are nice, but here are best things about being in the Longhorn Band:

1.  The traditional pre-game BBQ.

2.  You can come back any year and march at Alumni Band Day, no matter how old you get.

3.  324 of your closest friends at your side when you’re in hostile territory. Armed with large pieces of metal.

4.  Partying with the Rice Mob.

5.  TEXAS FREAKING OU WEEKEND!

HOOK ‘EM HORNS EVERYBODY!

BTHOOOU!

Original Whole Foods after the flood

John Mackey and his partners opened the first Whole Foods Market on September 20, 1980 with 19 employees. The store was located on North Lamar about six blocks north and on the opposite side of Lamar from the current flagship location.

On Memorial Day in 1981, the worst flood in 70 years devastated the city of Austin. The store’s inventory was wiped out and most of the equipment was damaged. Whole Foods Market had no insurance, so volunteers helped the staff clean up and make repairs. The store reopened only 28 days after the flood.

Can this be done in Austin?

If you have kids, that’s your excuse to try this in front of the neighbors — science experiment. If not, fry at your own risk.

I’m gonna use a glass cake dome to heat up a piece of the sidewalk. Is that cheating? I might also use a stainless steal pan. Totally cheating. Don’t care.

Send me photos or videos of your effort and we will post them, and you get a Cityism PLAY AUSTIN tee shirt. If we are inundated with entries, we’ll award only the top entries.

Many of my contemporaries are unwilling to accept Austin’s evolution. I understand. They’re annoyed at the young newcomers who spend a lot to look poor and whose parents helped them drive up our cost living.

What the complainers don’t realize is that Austin has always been about convergence.

I’m old enough to remember the Armadillo World Headquarters and what Austin City Limits really is (a live recording session at KUT). But I am sure that when I was young, old Austinites scoffed at us, too.  They kept saying that Bob Wills was still the king. I didn’t care about Bob Wills, and the kids today don’t care about Stevie Ray Vaughn. Sad but true.

While the traffic is hell now, we have to keep evolving. That’s what has always kept Austin ahead of the curve — it just looked different to us when we were younger.

So whether you still have Stevie Ray or Janis Joplin in your CD player, or you’re fresh from LA and standing in line to get into a posh club, you’re still a part of the convergence that will always be Austin.

I do have one thing to say to the newcomers, though. Please don’t carry your chihuahua in your purse. Dogs are not accessories.